i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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