dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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