who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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