Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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