the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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