is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize