he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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