sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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