We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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