I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
