How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
