he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
