I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
