This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
