he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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