i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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