I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize