i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
