Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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