am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
