if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
