I can text with my tongue
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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