You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
