aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize