Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
