I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
