that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
