I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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