I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
