I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
