A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize