wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
