I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
