Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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