i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
