Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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