At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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