My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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