I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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