And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
