I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize