oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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