Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
