just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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