apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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