I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
