oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
