It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
