we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
