I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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