Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I touched a dick in church today
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