Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
