WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's get the cat blown out
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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