I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
