You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
