I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
