Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
