i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
