Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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