The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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