I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's never too late to be topless.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
