I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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