I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
