Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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