I think I won the penis lottery.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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