Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
