theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize