We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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