she looked like the bat from fern gully.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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