The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
