Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
