So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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