You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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