forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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