I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
