Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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