ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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