Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
