I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
that's an acceptable place to lick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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