i need an iv and a liver transplant
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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