Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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