had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
