Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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