I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
