I got chris browned last night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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