Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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