Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
