Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
