Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
