Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
