Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
