I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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