Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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