You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
