after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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