i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
