Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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