Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
