Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
