I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
