"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He did a backflip because drugs
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
