They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
