if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
