I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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